One Mode After Another

I’ve been thinking about how I seem to pass from mode to mode. Picture a Venn diagram with circles that overlap to some degree. One of the circles, perhaps the largest, is “survival mode.” In survival mode, the cheapest option wins. Eat at home, hobbies can’t cost money, entertainment needs to be free or cheap. Big plans for the future? No, sounds expensive. I just try to get the bills paid and get a little ahead. It’s boring, but there’s no decision-making stress, because the answer is usually “no.” In this mode, I tend to hold onto items (and dribs and drabs) rather than get rid of them, so I don’t have to spend money to buy it again.

Sometimes I find myself in sentimental mode: conscious of time flying by, wanting to savor my time with the kids while they are still here. In this mode I might say the hell with it and buy the gift that will bring smiles or the team photos that capture this moment in time. Or heck yeah, let’s foster that puppy. But I’m also happy to be at home, to spend time making the home nice for my family.

Then there’s “ambitious” mode, or “restless” mode. This can take various forms — I might crack down on spending in order to try to fund some new dream, or I might blow money on classes towards a new career, or plan a trip. I start getting rid of stuff so I can be ready (to get new, better stuff, or to move to Italy). This is where I start thinking I should be donating money to x, I should be volunteering at y. It’s a little dangerous, this mode! It’s that little voice that says, what you have is not enough, you’re not where you are supposed to be, now what are we going to do about it? But sometimes good change comes from this mode.

I don’t know which mode I’m in right now. I’m just tired from the weekend!

Friday night and Saturday, I experienced the thrill of planting out lettuce and onion seedlings (8 and 20, respectively). Followed quickly by the despair of watching the lettuce wilt in the almost 80 degree temps on Saturday. Luckily, the temperature dipped in the afternoon and they pulled through. I was able to protect the ones in the tall planters, with netting, but a squirrel has already disturbed some of the ones on the big raised beds. Little jerks, after all the food I’ve given them at the bird feeder! I need to get netting on there somehow.

I have another 20 onion seedlings left, but probably not enough room for all of them. I gave away some of my extra lettuce to friends and probably can make room for the remaining six or so. Onions should probably be prioritized as I’m the only one who eats lettuce. It’s good to keep some extras around for a while in case of squirrel incursions, etc. I’m very happy with the onion seedlings; I feel like they are the most substantial ones I’ve ever grown.

I also spread around some more hay as mulch, did some weeding, and went to Ace Hardware for more potting mix. I started to clean up dead plant material, but then looked it up and found that I am supposed to wait a bit longer. So I will.

So far it seems like the sage, strawberries, hostas and oregano survived the harsh winter. I also see new love-in-a-mist coming up as well as what I think is cilantro (maybe parsley). I will need to plant marjoram, thyme and rosemary. I have yet to see any new snapdragons, and I’m not sure if the mum out front has new growth.

Sometimes I just stopped and sat and listened to the birds. This morning, Easter morning, I sat for quite a while, no phone, just listening. The robins were very active, chasing each other through the yards. It was still somewhat warm and sunny this morning, before the rain moved in.

This morning/afternoon was quiet, maybe too quiet. Everyone stayed upstairs most of the day while I was making deviled eggs and green beans to bring to Easter dinner. F and I had a bit of a heated discussion first thing in the morning. But dinner, at my parents’, was really nice, and (speaking of sentimental mode) we were all crying laughing over some choice memories.

I’d say I was mostly in survival mode this week, but I did pay for N to get his haircut and I bought some of F’s softball pictures. I also splurged for thyme and creeping thyme seeds ($6). I kept the Easter baskets really minimal and tried to only put things in them that they specifically asked for or that I knew for certain they liked. Each kid had like four to five edible things plus a little bit of cash. Next year, I’m just doing eggs filled with cash.

Midweek I got some potting soil at Ace for about $1, since I had $15 in rewards. I also got a birthday card for a coworker for $1 after using CVS Extra Bucks. And I used my latest $25 Fetch Target card on Saturday, meaning I only spent $16 there.

Meals this week:

Monday: spaghetti and meatballs

Tuesday: scrounge: frozen pizza

Wednesday: ready to heat baby back ribs, baked potatoes and corn

Thursday: McDonald’s

Friday: scrounge: I had a PB&J so that I could get to the garden faster.

Saturday: Nick and Joe’s pizza

Sunday: my parents’ (ham, ravioli, “funeral potatoes,” veggies, etc. etc. I’m stuffed).

Tuesday lunch: leftover salsa chicken with lettuce thinnings, cheese, and tortilla chips

Wednesday lunch: bought

Friday lunch: leftover ribs and corn. Thank God no one was there to see me make a gigantic mess of my hands and my desk.